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</script></div>{/googleAds}We really don't have anyone to blame but ourselves when it comes to the output Hollywood's decision makers deliver these days. Many filmmakers have been lamenting the corporatization of the land of d
Oh dear...
David R. Ellis is no stranger to bad reviews, with many of his films bearing the brunt of some truly acidic rants, but for this reviewer the dude hasn't done so bad. I thought the sequel to ‘Final Destination' in his hands was a worthy one; I thoroughly enjoyed the fast-paced popcorn thriller ‘Cellular;' and two years ago when the world's critics descended on ‘Snakes On A Plane' like an angry lynch mob, I couldn't have disagreed more it was a silly movie, sure, but delivered the farce it set out to, like it or not... and had fun doing it as well.
But when the nooses undoubtedly come out for his latest effort, Asylum, not even I have a word to say in his defence. To say getting through this film is an act of endurance is a kindness it doesn't deserve. This is one, big, pointless, messy, smelly pile of crap.
Telling the story of a bunch of freshman, all with serious emotional issues (conveniently), Asylum plants our group of six into a recently refurbished building that just happened to be a... you guessed it. Trouble is the building's only half done, with the other half still a spooky abandoned 60 year-old Looney bin with fresh files for our heroine (Sarah Roemer) to read - ‘strictly off limits'. Well, of course the impetuous teens have none of that, and enter the no-go zone, awakening the ghost of a murderous doctor responsible for the closing of the asylum 60 years previous. What unfolds beyond this tired, unoriginal plot is the most implausible, inane, and sluggish monster vs. teens rehash with a fear factor comparable to a cereal commercial.
The script is the worst kind of cliché-ridden tripe, replete with some of the sloppiest exposition this side of a Uwe Boll movie. The dialogue is laughable, painfully on the nose, and difficult to watch stumble out of these poor actor's mouths. There are more plot holes than Paris Hilton has sex tapes, character motivation bordering on retardation, and a villain as intimidating as a Care Bear with plastic fangs.
The production values are good, but not utilised to any effect. The lighting is the worst kind of B-Grade Argento knock off aesthetic; the production design is as unoriginal and ineffective as the script; the music supposed to create some kind of atmosphere would better suit the Energiser Bunny as an accompaniment.
The performances are terrible, but what the Hell any actor could do with these one-note wonder cluster of simpleton characters is beyond me. Sarah Roemer, so very appealing in last year's ‘Disturbia,' will want to forget this flick in a hurry. But by far the worst is Mark Rolston's Dr. Vannacutt/Freddy Krueger hybrid rip off Dr. Burke. Between his S & M attire and catchphrase stinkers like ‘Give me your pain' the only visceral emotion he'll elicit is laughter, not fear.
No element of this film can make up for the collective waste of a ten million dollar budget, not even Sarah Roemer naked in a shower (though it's probably a body double, anyhoo). No, Mr. Ellis, this one is unequivocally a bona-fide Grade A stinker for the ages.
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DVD Details:
Screen Formats: 1.85:1
Subtitles: English; French; Spanish
Language and Sound: English: Dolby Digital 5.1
Other Features: Color; interactive menus; scene access.
* Previews - original theatrical trailer
Number of Discs: 1 with Keepcase Packaging
