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</script></div>{/googleAds}Let us play a game of association... when you hear the word disaster what word comes to your mind? Flood? Fire? Tornado? Since the beginning of this century, for film lovers, the word disaster can only mean one thing: Uwe Boll just released another movie. Not since the days of Ed Wood has there been a filmmaker so vehemently passionate about making movies, and so completely incapable of doing it. The man is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to getting the money together to make one perhaps one of the best in the world but when it comes to any artistic capability, Boll makes a first grade pantomime look like The Godfather...

Adding to his list of mediocrity (and that is being generous) is Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance the sequel to the 2005 pile of dung starring Kristanna Loken and (HOW?) Ben Kingsley. This follow up that no one asked for follows Rayne (Natassia Melthe) into the Old West, where she faces off against Billy the Kid (Zach Ward) : a Transylvanian vampire (What the????) who intends to use the town of Deliverance as a jumping off point to national vampire expansion. You are now asking, â"And?" ... as usual, Boll left it at that. Ask the man, or anyone involved for that matter, to give you a TV guide description of the plot, and you'll get an incoherent blathering that's it's a cross between a western/horror and has this in it, and that in it... and obviously the concept of a beginning, middle, and end with some character arcs isn't high on the conscious level.

The writing is deplorably bad (calling it writing makes the skin crawl). There is no set up for the main character. No tie to the family she supposedly goes into battle for established. No arc for her to take. No logic period. There are too many characters, no development, an anorexic plot so stretched out that the in-between moments (or half the movie) are an incomprehensible mess of nonsensical scenes and disjointed badly shot panoramas. The pacing is drunkenly all over the place. The dialogue is theme park ride bad, ridiculously clichéd, and just to really put the nail in the coffin breaks out of its own time period with modern vernacular. In short, fart onto a ream of paper and you will get a better script.

As usual, Boll's direction vomits onto the screen like a club-rat drunkenly aiming for the toilet at 3AM. While it's obviously a (retarded) homage to Sergio Leone's Spaghetti Westerns, it ISN'T a straight western therefore, tonally the film is never steeped in either world. As usual, Boll invokes his method like a kid in a candy store, throwing whatever he thinks tastes good into the mix without thinking of what the mix will be like combined we like a good steak and a nice dessert, but not on the same plate. The cinematography is a colossal mess, coming off looking like a Z-movie VHS copy from a crap movie dungeon from Hell. The hand-held/family vacation video style does nothing to add any resemblance to professionalism (ever heard of a Steady-Cam? New fangled device from the 70's). The lighting is sub-par at best, invoking no atmosphere, nor feeling for the time the film is set in. The score is an overblown, intrusive, unoriginal, clichéd assault for the ears (not wanting any of your senses to miss out on the full crap-tastic experience)... and there's a typo in the opening credits: (‘AN Uwe Boll film' you can summon millions to make the crap, so splurge on a dictionary and thesaurus)

The actors all look either embarrassed to be there, or completely oblivious to the process of acting to begin with. For those who do have a modicum of talent, one can only hope the pay was good. For those who didn't, at least it'll be something to show the gran-babies and steer them to college for fear of inheriting the clueless gene.

In any other world, work of this... errrr... quality, would ensure there would be no encore not Uwe's world. Alas, Mr. Boll is very gifted at one thing: getting finance. So before too long Bloodrayne 3 will adorn the walls, alongside its brethren, in the â"Can't get that hour and a half of my life back" hall of fame. Please, Mr. Editor for the love of all that is sacred and good punish another reviewer on that fine day!


DVD

DVD Details:

The DVD is a generous offering, with two discs one of which is a PC game and various special features (just as badly polished as the film) including director's commentary, interviews and deleted scenes. But served a steaming turd with fine china and silverware would you eat it?

Screen formats: Widescreen 1.85:1 Widescreen

Subtitles: Spanish; English

Language and Sound: English: Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo

* Commentaries -
o Feature-length audio commentary with Director Uwe Boll and actress Mathias Neumann
* Digital Comic Book - titled Tibetan Heights #1
* Extended Scenes - 3 extended scenes called Mayor shoot, gets shot, Newton is part of the west, and Newton interviews Mayor.
* Deleted Scenes - 15 minutes of scenes that didn't make the final cut.
* Interviews - A 14 1/2 minute interview with the cast and director.
* Trailer - for Uwe Boll's upcoming Postal.
* Video Game - Bloodrayne PC DVD-ROM videogame

Number of discs: - 2 with Keepcase packaging

{pgomakase}

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