In Theaters

Piranha 3DD - Movie Review

  • Movie Review

  • Film Details

  • Blu-ray Review

  • Trailer

Piranha 3DD - Movie Review

2 stars

“Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina,” screams actress Katrina Bowden (30 Rock) in director John Gulager’s Piranha 3DD.  That line alone should tell you all you need to know about the film.  Far less clever with its humor, Piranha 3DD does have its moments of exploitation awesomeness and cameo surprises to keep it somewhat buoyant on the summer tide of film releases that will most certainly wipe it from memory.  The film is a true no-brainer, but it should have been much more entertaining than the final result.

Let me confess that I have been looking forward to the sequel since its title was first announced shortly after director Alexandre Aja’s spirited remake.  Unfortunately, Saw 3D scribes Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan up the gore and the self-awareness without the sense of irony and fun that highlighted the original.  Combine that with the unfortunate use of 3D cinematography from Alexandre Lehmann and you have about a half hour of good stuff from a 110-minute popcorn muncher.

Picking up a year after the bloody events in Lake Victoria, Piranha 3DD opens with Gary Busey and Clu Gulager fishing a dead cow, full of tiny piranha eggs, out of a lake.  Of course the eggs hatch before the cow is out of the water and, of course, the two farmers die as a result of some fast-swimming creatures.  When co-owner of a nearby waterpark Maddy (Danielle Panabaker) returns home and discovers that her step-father Chet (David Koechner) has added an adult-only section, she immediately seeks sanctuary with her friends who like to skinny dip and hang out her waterpark.

Upon killing one of the piranhas, they bring its corpse to Mr. Goodman (Christopher Lloyd), the expert from the original film.  Mr. Goodman convinces them that the piranhas have returned and hints at the fact that the creatures are evolving.  Indeed, they are learning to walk on land.  Speaking of walking, the hero from the original attack - Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames) – visits Maddy’s waterpark via wheelchair (as his legs did not survive), but has a few surprises hidden inside his titanium legs should there be another attack.

Of course there is.  The build up hints at a violent conclusion, but never do the events match those of the Aja’s remake which makes one wonder why try.  Even the hysterical David Hasselhoff cameo – poking fun at his Baywatch days – can’t match the wit of the original remake.  While never a waste of your time, Piranha 3DD is just a waste of your money.  The value just isn’t there.

Neither does it look like Dimension spent money of the effects.  The fish themselves don’t look threatening enough.  Never life-like, their skin is more rubbery this time out.  In 3D?  Nah.  I get the whole cheap route with special effects in a B-movie riff, but – without the sense of humor in the script – there’s just no way the film’s spirit gets off on a good foot.

The terror returns in Piranha 3DD but you have to tread way too much watery exposition to the gory shore.  It never tops the original remake which makes you wonder why bother with another.  Outrageousness is there in title alone, my friends.  This time out, the mayhem is all too brief and, dare I say it, stays too long in the shallow end of the pool for its own good.

Piranha 3DD - Movie ReviewMPAA Rating: R for sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore, graphic nudity, sexual content, language and some drug use.
Director
: John Gulager
Writer
: Patrick Melton & Marcus Dunstan and Joel Soisson
Cast: Danielle Panabaker; Matt Bush; David Hasselhoff; Christopher Lloyd
Genre: Horror
Tagline:
Double the action. Double the terror. Double the D's.
Memorable Movie Quote: "Bring me my legs."
Distributor:
RADiUS-TWC
Official Site: piranha-3d.com
Release Date: June 1, 2012
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
No details yet available.

Synopsis: After the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark...

No details yet available.

 

Movie Reviews

Our Tweets

 

You are here: Home In Theaters / VOD Piranha 3DD - Movie Review
Follow us on Twitter
Like us on Facebook
Google+
Letterboxd
Find us on Rotten Tomatoes