Movie Reviews

Details: Created: 24 February 2020; Written by Christopher Symonds

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I’ll start this review with a question. 4K has been out for a few years now, and although this reviewer has only recently dipped into this new resolution, I wonder why companies like Arrow are still going to the effort of releasing restored definitive and feature-laden movies from days gone by, at scanned ...

Details: Created: 15 April 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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Smokin’ babes with REVEALING outfits BADASS swords? Count me in! The myths! The legends! The NAKED women! Everything hangs out in this blu-ray twofer offering from the Roger Corman vaults of Shout! Factory and Corman’s fans have plenty of supple flesh to give thanks for as naked ...

Details: Created: 22 November 2019; Written by Frank Wilkins

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There’s a key scene about halfway through A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood in which cynical journalist Lloyd Vogel (Matthew Rhys), utters under his breath, "he's about the nicest person I've ever met.” Of course, Lloyd is talking about Fred Rogers, the host of ...

Details: Created: 13 April 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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Babes! Boobs! Bare Bottoms! What do you get when a sea captain and a nun help seven beautiful prison escapees evade police officers and white slave traders? You get 1973’s The Big Bust-Out, that’s what you get! BAZINGA! ...

Details: Created: 08 November 2019; Written by Frank Wilkins

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Hollywood needs more war films. Despite the pig-headed durability of the world’s war machine providing an unending supply of source material, the genre has largely become abandoned with only the occasional passion project popping up from time to time around Veteran’s Day. For decades, the underserved ...

Details: Created: 08 April 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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When Italians do American-styled action flicks, they usually hit the stereotypes AND the action a hell of a lot harder than we do. Thought First Blood was a tough watch, especially when the entire town gets blown the hell up? Think again. Because Blastfighter, directed by Lamberto Bava ...

Details: Created: 01 November 2019; Written by Frank Wilkins

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Interior: DARK, GIN-SOAKED MOVIE THEATER CAMERA - SLOW PAN LEFT TO RIGHT. It was a dark and stormy night. Flickering frames of light pierced the smoky darkness, casting shadows on the tattered silver screen. The projector’s jittery rays revealed the forlorn faces of a checked-out audience while the stormy night’s deafening ...

Details: Created: 06 April 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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The new comedy starring Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson called The Hustle is an almost identical remake of the 1988 classic comedy Dirty Rotten Scoundrels which starred Michael Caine and Steve Martin - itself a remake of Marlon Brando’s Bedtime Story. I say “almost” because ...

Details: Created: 04 November 2019; Written by Christopher Symonds

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There are few directors out there that have the distinction of making sequels to hit films that not only reach the quality of the original, but surpass it. James Cameron is one of them. He is an auteur that never rested on his laurels, always coming at things with a fresh take for a follow up and never settling for ...

Details: Created: 27 March 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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It is the year 2047 and, somewhere near Neptune, a missing research vessel has reappeared. It is up to the rescue ship, Lewis & Clark, to investigate its sudden reappearance and, with vital signs detected and a chill in the air, it is confirmed that what is on board is definitely not human ...

Details: Created: 25 January 2020; Written by Christopher Symonds

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With Disney’s current dominance at the box office, it is difficult to believe it, but they weren’t doing so well (theatrically) in the latter half of the 1980s. They had experienced, especially in the animation realm, a series of costly underperforming features and the sure thing that used ...

Details: Created: 17 March 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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Maybe you've heard of The Karate Kid. Sure, sure, but nothing KICKS ASS like the gleam and determination of RAD . . . and, yes, that's entertainment that is in ALL CAPS! ...

Details: Created: 18 October 2019; Written by Frank Wilkins

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The road trip through the zombie apocalypse continues with Ruben Fleischer’s Zombieland: Double Tap, which comes some ten years after his Zombieland caught the front end of the zombie resurgence in the ‘90s and rode it into undead lore. ...

Details: Created: 03 March 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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“I can do this. I am a dude! I am a hunky dude! I’m a badass hunky dude!” It seems impossible. It’s borderline unreal, but - according to the cursed calendar hanging on the wall - it has been 15 years since Amanda Bynes pretended to be a boy so that she could play soccer in the hilarious and endearingly sweet ...

Details: Created: 20 January 2020; Written by Christopher Symonds

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The last decade of the 20th Century in movies saw the pinnacle of star-powered excess-driven extravaganzas peak with Kevin Costner’s Waterworld. One of the biggest stars in the world, at the time, he could write his own ticket, dictate all terms, and will anything he wanted into existence. That ...

Details: Created: 23 February 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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GIANT STARFISH FROM SPACE! Holy crap, humans! Run for your lives! These baggy-suited martians with eyes where their stomachs ought to be might just tickle you to death ...

Details: Created: 11 October 2019; Written by Frank Wilkins

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Rarely does conventional wisdom hold in Hollywood. Particularly with regards to the notion that less is more and that simplicity is superior to elaborate embellishment. Take, for instance Jerry Bruckheimer, the titan of TNT, who subscribes to the theory that if a candle is needed ...

Details: Created: 20 February 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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Move over, Jason! There’s a new Boogeyman on the block and his name is . . . Virgil! Now, doesn’t that put the fear of God in you?! The filmmakers of this so-bad-its-not-really-good-at-all horror film were kind of banking on that draw. Oops. Virgil the ancient Roman poet of the Augustan period? Well, ...

Details: Created: 12 January 2020; Written by Loron Hays

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Somewhere in Colts Neck, New Jersey there sets a horse farm owned by Bruce Springsteen. And on those 378 acres there is a two-story barn which, on certain nights, doubles as a performance area for Springsteen, his wife Patti Scialfa, and some close friends. The voices coming out from ...

Details: Created: 18 February 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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Radioactive cultists and transient meth-heads unite! Slithis has returned from the contaminated depths of the canals to kill again. Grab the 6-pack from the fridge, Horror Hounds and Gore-Gore Girls, we're going to need a steady stream of 12 fluid ounces to get through this mad tale of yet ...

Details: Created: 15 January 2020; Written by Christopher Symonds

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2004’s Hellboy was a well-received if unspectacular performer at the box office, and the studios were not in a hurry to spend on another one. Undeterred, Guillermo Del Toro pressed on pitching various iterations of what could be the follow up. Oh, and since he had some time to kill ...

Details: Created: 13 February 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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Because the nonsensical matters! That’s why Voyage into Space exists! Seriously, though, you don’t get Iron Giant without a stop alongside Voyage into Space, about a boy who controls an IRON GIANT (yeah, I went there!) with his wristwatch! ...

Details: Created: 04 October 2019; Written by Christopher Symonds

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Joker was frightening proposition for this reviewer, who has been a lifelong Batman fanatic. Firstly because it presumed to make the focus of its narrative on one of the greatest antagonists in storytelling history, without the hero; secondly because it wasn’t going to stick with ...

Details: Created: 10 February 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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Calling all vets! There is a heartwarming calm at the center of All Creatures Great & Small, a family drama that is more about optimism than anything else. It is a calm that is hard to explain in these trying times yet it exists and flourishes with each and every episode as lush, rolling...

Details: Created: 13 January 2020; Written by Michelle Duy

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Movies like Miracles from Heaven and Heaven Is for Real tell allegedly true stories of divine intervention. The latest such movie is 2019’s Breakthrough. About four years ago in Missouri, teenager John Smith (Marcel Ruiz) fell through the ice of a frozen lake. After 15 minutes underwater he clinically died. But when ...

Details: Created: 06 February 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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“Watch. Her entire body is going to get zombiefied . . . including her anus.” A weird sentence to come out of the mouth of my wife as she sits next to me watching Sky Sharks, a German produced but English-friendly splatter and trashfest with tons of gratuitous nudity, but there it was, a nude ...

Details: Created: 13 January 2020; Written by Christopher Symonds

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Tenacious is the first word that comes to mind when thinking of Sylvester Stallone. He was once one of the highest-paid and most successful actors in cinema’s history, and, like most, has had his fair share of career highlights and—lets be kind—lulls. ...

Details: Created: 06 February 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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Ho-Ho-Holy shit! Santa smokes! He carries a flask with him! He cusses like mothertruckin’ sailor, too! And, when the shit hits the fan, he jumps into action in a snowy shootout with a hitman that a child has hired to kill the jolliest man alive. This is the wild territory of Fatman. ...

Details: Created: 05 September 2019; Written by Christopher Symonds

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When Stephen King’s doorstop novel was adapted for TV in the 90’s, it accomplished what shouldn’t have been possible. King’s novel is a behemoth tome, with dozens of characters, and was one of his truly graphic forays into the horror genre for ...

Details: Created: 07 February 2021; Written by Loron Hays

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Death by carpenter’s gun! Paddling in the boiling room! Hot water scalding! Sorority girls get their comeuppance when a paranoid killer is accidentally released from a small asylum which is apparently also run by a lunatic in Silent Madness. Time to get your 3D groove back on when you pop ...

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