BADass SINema Unearthed - Blu-ray Review

Slender Man (2018) - Blu-ray Review

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Slender Man - Blu-ray Review

It was wise to delay the Blu-ray debut of this movie.  Good move, Sony.  They were counting on all of us to forget just how awfully Slender Man was received when it was originally released in early August.  In and out of theaters it went, leaving faster than a man after hearing pregnancy test results.  And for good reason. 

Outside of a creepy figure, complete with spidery limbs and a looming presence, the film has NOWHERE to go. Starring Joey King (who is the film’s sole shiny object), Julia Goldani Telles, Jaz Sinclair, Taylor Richardson, Annalise Basso, we can’t exactly blame the cast.  The direction is aimless; however, and the editing – trying to sell the PTSD of the Slender Man’s appearance in these girl’s lives, I guess – just comes across as a jumbled mess.

Outside of a creepy figure, complete with spidery limbs and a looming presence, the film has NOWHERE to go


King, being the only true talent in the group, gets a lot of her scenes right, hitting the emotions and spitting out her lines, but the film, especially as it exists in a world where Slender Man is ALREADY known and accepted, can’t manage to bring all the elements together to make it seem like these actors aren’t just READING lines.  Hell, no one listens to anybody in this silly script and that should tell you all you really need to know.

With Javier Botet as the titular character, the movie proves that it takes more than gloomy shadows that extend across ceilings and floors to pull off a spooktacular tale: a film must have purpose and, outside of the lore surrounding Slender Man, there is little else to makes us shake with fright.

Slender Man even shows that it has a pulse is when it is, in fact, discussing its folklore which, as I suggested, is presented here as fact.  He is, in fact, an internet sensation, ripping little children away from their homes and so on; some of the internet video feeds are good. 

In the story, after Slender Man has been summoned, one of the girls goes missing and then – with a mouse fart being more impactful – the film simply peters out.  No suspense is built as the girls attempt to figure out what to do as a response to the mysterious figure.

Slender Man - Blu-ray Review

This is a dimly lit film.  Even by horror standards, the saturation levels are out of control.  Details go missing thanks to the overwhelming crush of those shadows.  You will strain your eyes to see just what it is in the darkness that is scaring the girls. 

Apparently, there is a movement in the big black blob on the screen.  You won’t see it, though.  Even when lights are on, the black levels are out of control here.  Someone needed to be fired because the design is just too much, squandering ANY chance of being atmospheric. 

With nothing scary and nothing remotely worth sitting through 90-minutes, Slender Man fails to register as even a joke.

1 beer

Slender Man - Blu-ray Review

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for disturbing images, sequences of terror, thematic elements and language including some crude sexual references.
Runtime:
93 mins
Director
: Sylvain White
Writer:
David Birke
Cast:
Joey King, Julia Goldani Telles, Jaz Sinclair
Genre
: Horror
Tagline:
Slender Man.
Memorable Movie Quote:
Theatrical Distributor:
Screen Gems
Official Site: www.facebook.com/SlenderManMovie
Release Date:
August 10, 2018
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
October 30, 2018
Synopsis: In a small town in Massachusetts, a group of friends, fascinated by the internet lore of the Slender Man, attempt to prove that he doesn't actually exist - until one of them mysteriously goes missing.

Slender Man - Blu-ray Review

Blu-ray

Blu-ray Details:

Home Video Distributor: Sony Pictures
Available on Blu-ray
- October 30, 2018
Screen Formats: 2.40:1
Subtitles
: English, English SDH, French, Portuguese, Spanish, Indonesian, Korean, Mandarin
Audio:
English: DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1; French: DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1; Portuguese: DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1; Spanish: Dolby Digital 5.1; Thai: Dolby Digital 5.1
Discs: Blu-ray Disc; Single disc; Digital copy; Movies Anywhere
Region Encoding: Locked to Region A

I’m sorry, but this blu-ray is trash.  The black levels are out of control.  And, no, it is not my television set.  Images are flat and without definition and, thanks to the 2.39:1 aspect ratio, there’s only one reminder that this thing was released to theaters.  There’s little depth to the images, leaving only the daylight and the woodland scenes to “dazzle” us with light.  The DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 lossless soundtrack provides a good BUMP every once and awhile.

Supplements:

Commentary:

• None

Special Features:

There is one: a meet the cast sort of featurette.

• Summoning the Slender Man (9 min)

Slender Man - Blu-ray Review

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