BADass SINema Unearthed - Blu-ray Review

Malibu Express (1985) - Blu-ray Review

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Malibu Express (1985)

Andy Sidaris, I love you.  Next to Roger Corman, Jack Hill, and William Castle, you make the kind of BADASS movies that MUST BE experienced.  From the “HUBBA-HUBBA” to the “HELL YEAH!”, you had the 1980s cinematic meat market covered in bikinis and stache cream and God bless you for it, man, but few of your films compare to the sheer bawdry brilliance of Malibu Express.

Starting with a woman typing at a keyboard with really long red fingernails, Malibu Express – produced, directed, and written by Andy Sidaris – might just be the tone-deaf winner of ’85 when it comes to introductions.  The big-haired woman – in heavy makeup – types at a computer’s keyboard the opening credits as a country and western song, complete with harmonica, plays in the background. 

"Part Magnum P.I. and part Dukes of Hazard, Malibu Express is all empty-headed Private Investigation tawdry charm"


If tears aren’t already streaming down your face thanks to the EXTREME close-ups on her eyes, then the next scene – in which our hero, Cody Abilene (a hilariously plain Darby Hinton), pulls up to a firing range with a cow-skinned gun case but can’t shoot straight, definitely will.  Co-starring Sybil Danning, Lori Sutton, Art Metrano, this hilarious action adventure – full of men with bodies that are lethal weapons – also features nice long looks at Playboy Playmates Kimberly McArthur, Barbara Edwards, Lorraine Michaels, and Lynda Wiesmeier.

And Malibu Express, thanks to some cheesy narration from Hinton and a series of gratuitous shots of tits and asses, is only getting started with its moustached machismo and hair-sprayed hilarity.  And, thanks to a new partnership between Sidaris and Mill Creek Entertainment, the cult classic (because is there any other way to describe this cowboy-turned-spy caper in which Mr. Abilene checks out a whole bunch of private parts as he investigates a Russian plot to steal data and secrets from America.

Abilene wines and dines the ladies, young and old, and begs for water during his passionate lovemaking . . . and it is all for the country he loves.  Cue the Playboy Magazine song because, damn, if this flick isn’t loaded with centerfold ladies and the song, which gets stuck on repeat as Abilene dodges crazy country cousins, races his untagged red DeLorean, and tracks down Russian spies.

Part Magnum P.I. and part Dukes of Hazard, Malibu Express is all empty-headed Private Investigation tawdry charm.  The one-liners in this flick are non-stop and full of lowbrow humor involving eating carpet in jail, working out, and just having some stupid fun.  Oh, yeah, and there’s that inconsequential plot drifting in and out of focus.  Who cares about Russian spies, though? Malibu Express (1985)

So, climb in the DeLorean and go racing back in time with this big-hatted Texan as he woes the ladies and catches the bad guys.  It’s the 1980s and yuppies are everywhere taking every drug and doing everyone.  Someone has to stand up to them, right?  Or at least bed them all and leave them quaking for more and more of Cody Abilene.

It’s shower time!  Malibu Express has arrived on blu-ray thanks to a widescreen 4K restoration from Mill Creek Entertainment.

5 beers

Malibu Express (1985)

MPAA Rating: R.
Runtime:
105 mins
Director
: Andy Sidaris
Writer:
Andy Sidaris
Cast:
Darby Hinton, Sybil Danning, Art Metrano
Genre
: Comedy | Crime
Tagline:
Packing Heat From Texas To Malibu Beach!.
Memorable Movie Quote: "I do wish Luciana hadn't killed Shane. It's such an inconvenience. Good help is so very hard to find, you know."
Theatrical Distributor:
Malibu Bay Films
Official Site:
Release Date:
March 1985
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
April 16, 2019
Synopsis: What appeared to be a simple murder case for private investigator Cody Abilene becomes a complicated matter when you have to factor in all the beautiful women, including the widow, who are potential suspects.

Malibu Express (1985)

Blu-ray

Blu-ray Details:

Home Video Distributor: Mill Creek Entertainment
Available on Blu-ray
- April 16, 2019
Screen Formats: 1.78:1
Subtitles
: English SDH
Audio:
English: DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0
Discs: Blu-ray Disc; single disc, DVD copy
Region Encoding: Region-free playback

Mill Creek Entertainment finally brings the good with this campy title.  Presented in a crisp 1080p transfer, the new 4k scan of the original negative is a thing of pristine beauty.  The film is dominated with reds and greens that absolutely burst with color.  It’s a cheap film, for sure, but the simple backgrounds burst with new details and a nice level of clarity.  Black levels are solid and skin tones are natural.  Shadows are defined and the film has a new depth previously unseen.  Audio wise, the DTS-HD MA 2.0 mono soundtrack is clear and the dialogue is never lost or hard to hear.

Supplements:

Commentary:

  • Director Andy Sidaris and his wife Arlene give fans the commentary they deserve.  Hilarious and over the top, this one is definitely for fans of the movie!

Special Features:

Mill Creek and Andy Sidaris give fans a treat with this release.  Fans get old-school trailers, a NEW making-of featurette, a commentary track, and a digital copy code.  There is also a newly-filmed introduction with Andy Sidaris, John Brown, and Julie Strain and then it is cut off before it concludes.  Hilarious.

  • Intro (2 min)
  • NEW Behind the Scenes (44 min)
  • Malibu Bay Trailers

Malibu Express (1985)

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