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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Movie Review

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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Movie Review

1 star

Remember that invigorating sense of wild-eyed wonder and amazement we all felt the first time we saw a real dinosaur? Ok, it wasn’t “real” but it did seem like it when that Brachiosaurus stomped into the scene back in 1993’s Jurassic Park, chomping mouthfuls of leaves as Laura Dern and Sam Neill’s characters watched with mouths agape. We had never seen anything like it before.

Well, the elation of that “first time” is now ancient history and it has become perfectly clear that nothing this franchise can do will bring that feeling back. Especially when the collective mindset of everyone involved believes that bigger and badder dinosaurs will go further in making up for lazy storytelling than will moving the franchise forward with fresh ideas and innovative takes on a premise that should still have some meat left on the bones.

Yes, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is critic proof and nothing written here will change anyone’s mind. But let the record reflect that you read it here first: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a terrible movie – as terrible as ol’ T-Rex himself. The fifth film in the franchise and the middle rung of the rebooted trilogy is nothing but a blatant money grab propped up by its beloved legacy. And the sad part of it all is that Universal’s laziness will be rewarded handsomely with a Brontosaurus-choking mountain of cash. And as for the losers, that’s us who will continue to get poorly written films, unnecessary franchises, and senseless reboots shoved down our pie holes. Sad but true.

"Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a terrible movie – as terrible as ol’ T-Rex himself."


So as not to sound like too much of an old fossil, there is some fun to be had with the Fallen Kingdom experience. The sound design, production value, and CGI dinosaurs are nothing but A-grade all the way. The thunderous sounds, screeches, and roars are bloodcurdlingly big and bold and shake the theater (and us) to the core. This movie is tailor-made for 3D, 4D, IMAX, butt-kicker seating and/or whatever other experience-enhancing options are at our disposal - for an additional charge, of course. Spend the extra money. And the CGI technology at use here is absolutely phenomenal with realistically-rendered creatures that move and interact seamlessly with their environment. Actually can’t wait to run this one through the ol’ home theater system once it releases on home video in a few months. It will certainly reveal any weaknesses or hot spots.

As far as the plot goes, there’s really not a lot to know as that’s not what this experience is about. But in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom we learn that it’s been three years since the Jurassic World luxury theme park was overrun and destroyed by unconfined dinosaurs. As their Isla Nublar island home begins to self-destruct beneath an ocean of lava, it is up to Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) to assist with the rescue of the remaining dinosaurs from the exploding island. What could possibly go wrong, you ask? Well, Owen asks the same question as the two board a plane for the island.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Movie Review

The rescue mission is funded by millionaire (billionaire?) philanthropist Sir Benjamin Lockwood (James Cromwell), a former business partner of Jurassic Park founder and “dina-sour” scientist John Hammond. Lockeood’s estate – and by extension, the mission to save the dinosaurs – is now being run by shifty estate manager Eli Mills (Rafe Spall) who, we learn, is actually up to something much more sinister. Rather than capture the dinosaurs and settle them at a California sanctuary, he intends to sell them off to the highest bidder whose purposes may or may not run counter to what he’s telling Owen and Claire.

With the shock and awe of seeing “real” dinosaurs roaming about having long since worn off, perhaps just kicking back and taking it all in as a bad B-movie creature feature is the way to go. Unfortunately that doesn’t work either. Fallen Kingdom is far too shiny and polished and takes itself way too seriously for that. And a barrage of scenes meant to draw upon our sympathy for the dinosaurs falls equally flat as do Jeff Goldblum’s Ian Malcolm’s pleas about the moral repercussions of the advancement of science. We’ve seen it all before, move along folks. Let’s close this park and put it in a museum so future filmmakers won’t be destined to repeat history.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Movie Review

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of science-fiction violence and peril.
Runtime:
128 mins
Director
: J.A. Bayona
Writer:
Derek Connolly, Colin Trevorrow
Cast:
Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Rafe Spall
Genre
: Action | Sci-fi
Tagline:
Life finds a way.
Memorable Movie Quote: "Genetic power has now been unleashed. You can't put it back in the box."
Theatrical Distributor:
Universal Studios
Official Site: https://www.jurassicworld.com/
Release Date:
June 22, 2018
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
No details available.
Synopsis: It’s been three years since theme park and luxury resort Jurassic World was destroyed by dinosaurs out of containment. Isla Nublar now sits abandoned by humans while the surviving dinosaurs fend for themselves in the jungles.

When the island’s dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event. Owen is driven to find Blue, his lead raptor who’s still missing in the wild, and Claire has grown a respect for these creatures she now makes her mission. Arriving on the unstable island as lava begins raining down, their expedition uncovers a conspiracy that could return our entire planet to a perilous order not seen since prehistoric times.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Movie Review

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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Movie Review

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