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Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! (2017) - Movie Review

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Halloween Pussy Trap Kill Kill - Movie Review

1 starBecause why not?  Give me a title like that and you’ve already got my ass in the seat.  Bore me to tears with long stretches of agony and no joy to be had and I will bounce like any other mofo.  The last thing I expected from Cohn was a SAW knockoff. 

And that’s exactly why this movie misses the mark.  It’s trying way to hard to be something it is not; serious.  On its dollar-sized budget, the film misfires all the way to its quick ending.  No, no, no, no, no.  Longtime readers know I give limited budgets a pass all of the time, but, with absolutely no merit to the droll “gravity” on the screen, it’s safe to say that this Z-grade horror flick misses the mark. 

B-movie writer-director Jared Cohn digs his heels in to yet another imitative offering as a wild-dressing synth noise all female band gets brought to their knees in an underground cellar.  This time Cohn riffs a bit on Russ Meyer in the titles department and attempts to teach selfish Americans, hell-bent on not letting the party end, a lesson about life and liberty by tossing them into a lair of traps and blood not unlike those of Jigsaw.

Except here, in Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill!, we call him the Mastermind and he is voiced by Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine.  You read that correctly.  Now, I know we should lower our expectations for ANY movie that comes along with a title as wild as Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! and, trust me, I did and STILL I was letdown by this rather dour expression of fear and suffering.    

Five minutes into the movie, we have a fairly graphic beheading as enemy fighters catch and torture American soldiers.  This is actually the Mastermind’s beginning as he gets his face carved off and, as we come to find out, he returns to the United States needing to teach morals to America’s youth gone wild on Halloween night.

From gas that knocks them out to gas that causes them some serious delusions, the only thing this movie isn’t is a gas in and of itself.  With the marching orders of “somebody MUST die!”, these poor fools realize the end is near.  The games the Mastermind has for them are no more than silly games of hide and seek and torture teases; all while weak-ass metal tunes play in the background. 

The rest is all reaction as guns are found and fingers are pointed and the cast – highlighted by Sara Malakul Lane, Richard Grieco, and Paul Logan – has little to do except scream and scream again.  And, trust me, it’s enough to have you screaming for the exit.

Sadly, the enjoyment in this flick begins and ends with its title and flashy poster.  Skip it.

Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! - Movie Review

MPAA Rating: Unrated.
Runtime:
86 mins
Director
: Jared Cohn
Writer:
Jared Cohn
Cast:
Richard Grieco, Sara Malakul Lane, Margaret O'Brien
Genre
: Horror
Tagline:
Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill!
Memorable Movie Quote: "Leave the girl alone!"
Theatrical Distributor:
Cleopatra Entertainment
Official Site:
Release Date:
October 27, 2017
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
No details avaiilable.
Synopsis: Members of the all-girl punk rock band "Kill, Pussy, Kill!" must fight for their lives and attempt to outwit an unknown assailant after finding themselves trapped in a madman's maze.

No details available.

Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! - Movie Review

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