Clash of the Titans

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Hard to believe that nearly thirty years has passed since a toga-wearing Harry Hamlin headlined a fantasy film (before they were all the rage) to great box office success; it's even harder to believe ”looking through modern eyes ”that it was a success in the first place. But so time has passed, the technologies have progressed way beyond the quaint (and awesome) Ray Harryhausen stop motion of yore, and Hollywood's incessant remaking of every freaking moderate hit ever conceived continues...

'The Incredible Hulk' director Louis Letterier, taking the reins from the self-admitted directionless Stephen Norrington, helms this 2010 rehash, and if the final product is any form of improvement, then only God knows what mess it started out as.

Retelling a retold adaption of the Greek mythological tale of Perseus, 2010's Clash still has our now toga-less hero as the son of Zeus, destined to save the ancient world from an apocalyptic beast known as the Kraken. With no less than four writers, one of them being revered screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan, this film is a cringe-inducing assault on the ears, with boring, static and insultingly clichéd dialogue. The exposition is clumsy, ridiculously ill-placed, and completely slows down any chance the film has of gaining momentum (if there is any chance of that at all). Character development is left to single scene, or in most cases single sentence, explanations. There is no time allowed, between waffling voice overs, laughable stoic proclamations, or incoherent action scenes, to get to know these characters, let alone care what happens to them.

The directing is also a major let down, and for this reviewer a major surprise, with Letterier dangerously erring on the side of TV movie of the week with his shot composition. There is definitely some high end production value, especially in the panoramic establishing shots, but as soon as he cuts in close, the sets (some awesome, some as cheesy as the dialogue) and effects are hidden by close up after close up... may as well have saved some money.

What really highlights this production's mediocrity is watching a who's who of A-Level talent literally drown trying to bring any believability or relatability to the characters they inhabit. Realism be damned, we just wanna like the folk we're watching.

The music is intrusively annoying, schizophrenic in tone; there are no discernable themes for characters, nor attempt to illicit any emotion beyond 'here comes another action sequence'.

The effects range from impressive to mind bogglingly bad (Medusa reminds me of the Scorpion King Craptacular we didn't forgive a decade ago).

There is one saving grace to be said about this remake: it ended. Thanks for that mercy. Hamlin in a toga fighting plasticine monsters is a welcome alternative to this. Love Letterier but this: Absolute garbage.

{pgomakase}