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Transformers: Age of Extinction - Movie Review

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Tranformers: Age of Extinction - Movie Review

1 star

The good news is that Steven Spielberg’s favorite bad boy Shia LaBouf isn’t involved with Transformers: Age of Extinction.

The bad news is that director Michael Bay still is which means Transformers: Age of Extinction is still PT-inducing entertainment, if it can be called that. This movie proves that Bay learned nothing from the critical successes he had with last year’s Pain & Gain. He still just wants to blow shit up, make spectacle movies, and jettison any resemblance of a storyline along the way to his big, fat paycheck.

After popping a couple of pills and trying to deaden my overwhelmed senses, I still can’t sanely recall the plot of this nerve-damaging summer flick. I’ll do my best, though, to describe it. Mark Wahlberg – EXPLOSION - lives in Texas with his teenage daughter. He’s an unrecognized robot – EXPLOSION - expert and wants to build something super special while keeping his daughter free from boys. In another part of the – EXPLOSION - country, Kelsey Grammer is taking out Autobots left and right. Wahlberg stumbles upon an injured Optimus – EXPLOSION - Prime and decides to help him. Even Optimus Prime doesn’t know why he – EXPLOSION - risks life and limb to save him. Oh, and the dinosaurs and their extinction is – EXPLOSION - explained.

Yeah, that pretty much sums up this EXPLOSIVE cash-grab. Any questions?

The big problem is that there is no cohesive script. This is unrecognizable dribble, dribble scientific mumbo jumbo digitally slapped on the screen. Bay is good at selling bullshit. I’ll give him that; the sleekness continues with Age of Extinction and so does the madness. There are very few breathable moments in the film where the spectacle lets up. And this is a 3 hour film, folks. That’s quite a marathon as humans and robots work to save the earth … again. This time with dragons and dinosaurs and an impressively giant spaceship that sucks up everything earth-bound.

I mentioned humans so I should comment on the acting. There is none. Wahlberg laughably turns in another bad performance. His entire character falls apart in 10 minutes. We’re talking The Happening level of acting. When the material is good, he can slip into certain roles without a problem…usually. Here? Nah. It’s just not happening. At least Stanley Tucci is having fun. While Wahlberg takes everything seriously, Tucci is able to laugh at himself and the dialogue he is churning out. The difference is very telling. One gets it and the other doesn’t.

Which brings me to a good point, four films in and Bay still hasn’t gotten the punchline of Hasbro’s toy. He doesn’t get the tongue-in-cheek playfulness of robots turning into cars and continues to add weight and gravitas to a children’s product. Is he done? Oh no, a whole new trilogy is mapped out with Age of Extinction.

I can’t wait for the next chapter. I bet it’s going to be released in 4-D so you can really feel the EXPLOSIONS and get ripped open by shrapnel and smashed by falling objects.

Tranformers: Age of Extinction - Movie Review

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, language and brief innuendo.
Runtime:
165 mins
Director
: Michael Bay
Writer:
Ehren Kruger
Cast:
Mark Wahlberg, Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor
Genre
: Action | Adventure | Sci-Fi
Tagline:
The rules have changed.
Memorable Movie Quote: "JI'm gonna ask you this once. Where is Optimus Prime?."
Distributor:
Paramount Pictures
Official Site: http://www.transformersmovie.com/#home
Release Date:
June 27, 2014
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
No details available
Synopsis: An automobile mechanic and his daughter make a discovery that brings down the Autobots - and a paranoid government official - on them.

No details available.

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