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Carrie - Movie Review

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Carrie - Movie Review

1 star

Directed by Kimberly Peirce with a screenplay by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, Carrie is yet another reshaping of Stephen King’s novel that, rather quickly, bites the dust.  Hollywood will never learn to leave the past alone; I acknowledge that.  Unfortunately, there’s simply no reason for this remake to exist due to a uniform adherence to the original framework established in 1976.

Carrie doesn’t improve from an updated setting.  Chloë Grace Moretz displaying some seriously rotten "acting" doesn’t replace any memory of Sissy Spacek in the title role.  And, without one single glimpse of insight into the modern era teenage mind, it certainly doesn’t offer any explanation for the bullying epidemic that is such the social buzz word these days.  There are very few changes made to what has previously came (TWICE!) before.  What has been updated – the teens use their phones to text and post bullying videos – is, like the totality of this film, of very little significance.

Having recently watched the classic film, what we have with the remake is an almost beat-for-beat retelling of Brian De Palma's film starring Spacek and Piper Laurie.  Let’s call this release EXACTLY what is: a certified mess of a missed opportunity.  This is an R-rated film for tweens to sneak in to or have a slumber party with it as the main attraction.  Not even a vacuum cleaner sucks as much as this glob of forgettable gunk.

Starring Chloë Grace Moretz as the awkward teenager blessed with a supernatural gift arriving with her first period, Carrie opens with an intense pregnancy and ends with a rather ridiculous one.  In between this bookending is a bunch of corn syrup pretending to be blood, bad acting, and teenage tormenting too archaic to be believable in the age of the smartphone.  Judy Greer plays the gym teacher who listens to her…and slaps her into submission…without getting fired.

Carrie’s mother (Julianne Moore) is the only actor who has brought anything resembling “game” here.  Yet, every single time she delivers her bizarre bible-thumping lines the script and Moretz (who is completely miscast) work together to yank the rug out from under her.  One almost feels sorry for her.    Moretz attempts body language rather poorly and it translates to a hunchbacked performance in which even the waving of hands produces some really hysterical mouth formations.

There’s simply no momentum in anything that happens.  Nothing terrifies.  Nothing resonates.  Nothing – except for the opening in which newborn baby Carrie is nearly sacrificed by a super large pair of scissors – startles.  Peirce’s direction channels all the worst type of mimicry.  And the script – co-authored by the original Carrie scribe Lawrence D. Cohen – is as useful as a discarded tampon.

And then this relatively anemic “reimagining” dares preach to the audience in its final few minutes.  Really?!  Pierce, who should have nailed this film, is so unaware of her surroundings here that she doesn’t even recognize that her version of Carrie doesn’t earn an audience.  Undistinguished.  Undeserved.  Unoriginal.  This is the worst kind of “entertainment”.

Whatevs.  This Carrie is already soooo yesterday.

Carrie - Movie ReviewMPAA Rating: R for bloody violence, disturbing images, language and some sexual content.
Runtime:
100 mins
Director
: Kimberly Pierce
Writer
: Lawrence D. Cohen, Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Cast: Chloë Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, Gabriella Wilde
Genre: Horror
Tagline:
You will know her name
Memorable Movie Quote: "If the two of you are planning some kind of joke on a poor, lonely girl..."
Distributor:
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM)
Release Date: October 18, 2013
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
No details available.

Synopsis: A sheltered high school girl unleashes her newly developed telekinetic powers after she is pushed too far by her peers.

No details available.

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