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Lost Boys: The Thirst - DVD Review

2 stars


Lost Boys: The Thirst Blu-ray


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Joel Schumacher may be loathed (by this Batman fan, too) as the man who took that massive franchise straight down the shitter with his bat-nipple suits and over the top depiction, but there was a time when the man could do no wrong. When he finally goes to that big silver screen in the sky, I firmly believe there is one movie—above a rather impressive resume—that he will instantaneously be remembered for: The Lost Boys.

There is nobody involved in that film, then or now, that doesn’t freely admit that Mr. Schumacher made the 1987 vampire hit what it was—his style and skill are etched permanently all over it, now and forever. He hand-picked the cast—all future stars; he changed the characters from kids to teens; he chose the tone and the music, and every single molecule of that movie is a testament to Joel Schumacher’s talent.

The years passed with both Schumacher and producer Richard Donner consider sequel ideas, but unfortunately a sequel was a long time coming. When it did come, it was undeniably not worth the wait in the slightest—big pile of steaming crap. Of course, it made a shitload of sales for Warner Premiere, and so now we have:

Lost Boys: The Thirst.

Corey Feldman and original co-star Jamison Newlander reunite to portray the Frog brothers; a better idea than the last one, right? Perhaps it would have been, had they procured Schumacher and Donner’s input.

Feldman’s Edgar Frog is recruited by a shallow Stephanie Meyers-riffed author to rescue her little brother, who she believes has been kidnapped by vampires. Frog tries to enlist his brother, now a half vampire and living in seclusion to no avail, then goes about assembling a small troupe of poorly conceived helpers to track down the vamps, find the head vamp, and free the world from vampirism for all time.

There are characters aplenty in this film, and none of them could hold a candle to one of Grandpa’s stuffed animals from the original. This story is about as ill conceived as a razor encrusted jackhammer for a sex toy. Once again, the makers of this film, just as the last one, are guilty of thinking that meaningless nods to the original equal honouring it. Once again, Feldman, his on screen brother, and every character in the story, play their character for laughs only. Is it lost on the makers of these straight to hell—err dvd—outings that the Frog brothers were NOT in on the joke in the original, and that is what made them so endearing? Or that not every character is supposed to be funny, over the top? There were characters, fully conceived with back stories and believable motivations, to follow in Schumacher’s entry.

The acting in this flick is abysmal. Filmed in South Africa, the production availed themselves of plenty of local talent—fair to do, if they could find actors who could maintain their American accent (Charlize Theron can!). Although, really, what did these actors have to work with, but lame-assed jokes and motivations a lab rat wouldn’t budge for.

The editing is haphazard, sloppy; the music is worse; and the use of ‘cry little sister’ this time concretes it as the theme for meaningless homage. The make-up is a departure from the Greg Cannon design... and sucks. The effects are an ineffective kind of Buffy the Vampire Slayer rip off, and make the vampires about as scary as a mouse with horns.

Here’s an idea, Warner Premiere: find someone who can actually construct a coherent and/or engaging story that recognizes why we flocked to the first one. Have them make the film their own, instead of using a Xerox machine in between high school play level drama, with new songs and a fresh idea, and, if you must use elements from the original, remind the actors who it was they played (Feldman is not a bad actor; give him something to prove it.) and give new actors an actual character to play, instead of a two line break down to guide them. Perhaps then we may finally see a continuation worth the title of The Lost Boys.

Schumacher, destroyer of all things Batman, you too have been slighted, sir. Your wonderful movie lasted two decades unsullied; now it’s been crapped on... twice.


Component Grades
Movie
 
Blu-ray Disc
2 stars
 
2 stars
     
Blu-ray Experience
2 stars

Blu-ray

Blu-ray Details:

Available on Blu-ray - October 12, 2010
Screen Formats: 2.40:1
Subtitles
: English SDH, French, Spanish
Audio:
English: DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1; French: Dolby Digital 5.1
Discs: 25GB Blu-ray Disc; Two-disc set (1 BD, 1 DVD); Digital copy (on disc)

Supplements:

Featurettes:

  • How to Kill a Vampire (1080p, 5:44)
  • Charisma Carpenter Hosts The Art of Seduction: Vampire Lore (1080p, 12:20)
  • The Lost Boys:'Return of the Frog Brothers (1080p, 6:49)
  • What is the Thirst (1080p, 6:09)

Disc two contains both DVD and digital copies of Lost Boys: The Thirst.

{pgomakase}

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