BADass SINema Unearthed - Blu-ray Review

I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle (1990) - Blu-ray Review

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I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle - Bluray Review

This is a low budget horror/comedy in which an exorcism is performed on a motorcycle.  If you are already groaning, stop reading.  The shit isn’t going to get any better for you.

Still here?  Good.  Allow me to continue…

There aren’t many horror films that feature a sword fight on top of a rather long table as our protagonist goes toe-to-toe with a biker gang from Hell.  There also aren’t many horror films that feature a lone Norton Commando, with no one at its controls, beheading its targets with extended spokes either.  This is the bizarre and entertaining territory of I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle, a horror/comedy that is kept together by the presence of a detective who smells like garlic and a priest who performs an exorcism on a motorcycle.

Because it turns out that this motorcycle – all 850cc’s of it – is possessed by an evil spirit.  Welcome to Hell, Noddy. 

"And so, we, get to sit back and enjoy the wicked ride that is this vampire motorcycle’s wild ride through Birmingham.  Blood in the petrol tank indeed!"


Played by Neil Morrissey (Men Behaving Badly), Noddy is having a rough time of late.  And the large vodka tonics aren’t cutting it either.  His dreams – where his recently killed friend turns into a piece of talkative poop that tries to strangle him by launching from the toilet and landing right into his mouth – keep him up at night and his newly purchased bike, LOVES to force other bikers off the road. . . at his expense. 

Now, because of how this horror/comedy is stitched together, you and I already know that the bike is possessed by the spirit an occultist summoned before that occultist gets an arrow in the back of the head, thanks to a rival biker gang.    

Go with it or get the fuck out.  Seriously.  And, honestly, for the sheer joy of watching expressions drop as a man attempts to wrestle a talking turd out of his mouth, I seriously hope you. . . Keep. On. Watching. 

One of the highlights of this wonky title is that face that Anthony Daniels (Star Wars’ C3PO) has been cast a priest.  We have Michael Elphick as a smelly detective trying to get to the bottom of all the street deaths and C3PO himself as a priest who provides hilarious council and then, later, the actual exorcism.  In the name of the father, the son, and the HOLY SHIT!  {googleads}

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle , directed by Dirk Campbell, puts its horror first and foremost and then, once the danger becomes palpable and the vampire bike begins its killing spree, the film switches gears and gives all the characters a shot of insanity right in the arm.  Suddenly, the heightened awareness brings out some incredibly insane performances from its cast. 

Even when the script’s dialogue, written by Mycal Miller, fails to deliver the comedy, the wacky characters in this trip remain engaged AND relaxed, offering a movie that is weird, frightening, and damned unforgettable.  This flick has the deft ability to tackle a senior citizen’s horrific death as a motorcycle runs him down to the frying of a coppers hands as she places a ticket on the vampire bike’s headlight and hit the tone for the scene on the head.  

The streets of Birmingham, England are filled with violence.  Biker gangs run wild.  Hell, even little dogs can’t do their business without consequence.  For one poor bloke, his ride is all sorts of trouble because this motorcycle is fueled by blood alone.  That’s what happens when you buy a used bike on the cheap. 

It turns out that this motorcycle is possessed by an evil spirit.  Welcome to Hell, Noddy. 

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle - Bluray Review

Played by Neil Morrissey (Men Behaving Badly), Noddy is having a rough time of late.  And the large vodka tonics aren’t cutting it either.  His dreams – where is recently killed friend turns into a poop that tries to strangle him by launching from the toilet and right into his mouth – keep him up at night and his recently purchased bike, LOVES to force other bikers off the road. . . at his expense. 

Now, because of how this horror/comedy is stitched together, you and I already know the bike is possessed by the spirit an occultist summoned before getting an arrow in the back of the head, thanks to a rival biker gang.    

And so, we, get to sit back and enjoy the wicked ride that is this vampire motorcycle’s wild ride through Birmingham.  Blood in the petrol tank indeed!

3 beers

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle - Bluray Review

MPAA Rating: Unrated.
Runtime:
101 mins
Director
: Dirk Campbell
Writer:
Mycal Miller, John Wolskel
Cast:
Neil Morrissey, Amanda Noar, Michael Elphick
Genre
: Horror | Comedy
Tagline:
Daily Mail: It's scary, the suspense is telling, it's very funny and it is in the worst possible taste.
Theatrical Distributor:

Official Site:
Release Date:

DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
October 23, 2018
Synopsis: When a Satanist biker is killed by a gang of Hells Angels, an evil spirit he was summoning possesses his old Norton Commando motorcycle. So, when unsuspecting local courier Nick "Noddy" Oddie (Neil Morrissey, TV’s Men Behaving Badly) becomes the bike's new owner, little does he know that it runs on blood and has a habit for killing Hells Angels and anyone else who gets in its way.

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle - Bluray Review

Blu-ray

Blu-ray Details:

Home Video Distributor: Kino Lorber
Available on Blu-ray
- October 23, 2018
Screen Formats: 1.85:1
Subtitles
: English SDH
Audio:

Discs: Blu-ray Disc; single disc
Region Encoding: Locked to Region A

Kino Lorber’s NEW 2k scan and 1080p transfer is simply fantastic.  The fully restored image is crisp and fully resolved with the lightest, most beautiful layer of grain and no detection of digital noise reduction whatsoever.  Blacks are deep and strong.  The mastering here is impeccable.  There is a fair amount of detail and not a speck of dirt to be found in the scans of the original movie, though.  Simply put, this title has never looked better.  Framed in a 1.85:1 aspect ratio, this release is a cool one to own. . . even if it is a bit too long.

Supplements:

Commentary:

  • There is a solid commentary with Director Dirk Campbell, Writers John Wolskel & Mycal Miller and Actor Alan Frank.

Special Features:

With fantastic reversible art and featurettes that cover the making of the movie, a where are they now retrospective, and a theatrical trailer.

• Vampire's Lair Featurette

• We Made a Vampire Motorcycle - Documentary

• Where Are They Now Featurette

• Theatrical Trailer

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle - Bluray Review

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